My rating on a 1-10 scale: 10
Genre: Fantasy, adventure, life, romance
Series or set: Lord of the Rings
Number in series: 3rd
Primary actors: Basically the same ones I listed in my Two Towers review…so go there if you don’t know them automatically. :)
Length: About three and ½ hours
Based on: Return of the King by J. R. R. Tolkien
Time period: Fantasy
Year it came out: 2003
My overall opinion: Well, here it is folks! The third and final movie in the Lord of the Rings trilogy – and my favorite. And this will be the longest review yet, on account of my having precisely twice as many notes as for the other two – or combine my notes from the other two reviews, and you’ll have as many as I do for this one review. So, now that you’ve been fully warned, let’s go! And please – pull up the comment box at the bottom of this post even before you read so you can comment as you go. Because comments related to this have got to be one of the world’s awesomest things. Have fun!
Opening scene: Wow,
is there anyone who realizes what this is and doesn’t think it’s totally freaky
and disgusting and horrid and perfect for the opening scene? That heartbeat of
poor Deagol…enough to give a girl goosebumps, and not of the pleasant kind. It’s
down-right unnerving how much Smeagol looks like Gollum (I know, it makes
sense) and also like Andy Serkis (I know, also makes sense). It’s still freaky.
Aragorn: Love him so much. I know some of you don’t agree here…but he’s awesome, though not perfect (see? I admitted it!). But yup, I love him in this film.
Pippin and the Palantir: Poor Pippin. If only he’d never even touched the Palantir to begin with! His life would have gone much differently if he had never encountered it.
Arwen’s vision: I
love how she has a vision, for lack of a better way to describe it, of Aragorn
as an old man with that little boy, who is a delightful and perfect mix of
Aragorn and Arwen. And Aragorn looks so good with a little gray. It’s a great
scene. {{And yes, this painting is a painting -- and I had SO much trouble finding one at all that a painting must suffice.}}Anduril and Elrond: As you know, Anduril is Aragorn’s sword. Remember when Elrond brings the sword to him when he’s camped out with an army? Good scene. And great sword.
Quotes: There are SO many quotable awesome memorable quotes in this movie. I’m including a few farther on in this review, but encourage you to check IMDB for more.
Denethor: Ooooo…how
I abhor this man. He’s SO awful. SOSOSOSO awful. I can’t stand him. He may
actually be my least favorite character from the entire trilogy. Even more than
Wormtongue and Sauron and Saruman. I mean, seriously. The way he acts towards
Faramir? It’s enough to make anyone’s heart hurt. Such blatant favoritism
towards Boromir is heart-rending. I always feel so sorry to Faramir…even back
before I really decided I liked him. But Denethor? Anyone wanna join a
hate-on-Denethor club?!?The Winding Stairs: And Frodo and Sam journey up and up and up…all those dreadful stairs. Steep and treacherous – I wonder who built them? Anyone know? Anyway, that’s quite the journey, and the way that Gollum works to turn Frodo against Sam is sad.
Osgiliath take 1: The fall of Osgiliath to those frightful orcs. Ah, I feel so sorry for those guys who
fight for it, but quickly see that it’s a useless venture and retreat to safety, saving as many as possible. BUT! They return. We’ll come to that presently. But Osgiliath is quite an amazing location and there’s a couple of remarkable battles in/around it.
Beacon lights: Admit
it, the beacon lights that are used to signal from Minas Tirith to Rohan are
pretty cool. All across those high snowy mountains and all. I love watching
that part every time, it’s so cool! And I love how Pippin climbs up to light
the first one…and it takes him a minute to realize that he’s actually standing
on the burning pile. :)Riders of Rohan: They present an impressive display! So many of them and all mounted. Yeah, pretty awesome. And their arrival at Pelennor Fields is also impressive.
Pig Sponge: Or
maybe Sponge Pig. Or maybe he has a real name, I’m not sure. But you know what
Osgiliath orc I mean? He’s got a face that’s quite piggish and also remarkably
similar to some sponges I’ve seen. On second thought...that side of his face might be more like rising bread dough. MOVING ON. But he’s brutal and ugly and despicable and
oh so awful and you know what? I still hate Denethor even more. Which is saying
something, because this guy is super creepy. 
Gandalf’s Rescue: AAAHHHH!
I love this scene – it’s such a clear portrayal of good shooing away the evil.
You know the one – where Faramir and his fighters are retreating from Osgiliath
and the orcs are being awful to them and the Black Riders are swooping
overhead; all hope looks lost. But then, out of Minas Tirith comes Gandalf with
a light radiating from his staff, scaring back all the Black Riders and saving
Faramir & Co! Oh happy day. I love Gandalf there – he’s a savior! Faramir’s Attack Back on Osgiliath and Pippin’s Song: I couldn’t think of a better way to sum it up. Oh my word, this has to be one of the most tear-jerking scenes in the entire trilogy. The way that Faramir and his riders go to Osgiliath…while back at home, Denethor is heartlessly eating tomatoes and chicken and making Pippin sing. UGH. Did I mention I hate Denethor? *sigh* He drives me nuts. And Faramir! So strong, so brave, so determined to prove himself. And you know he hasn’t got a chance – but he sure does give it his best shot. I like that guy. Then Pippin’s song is so sweet and good and he sings so sadly…it’s like oh-what-do-they-call-those-songs. I know there’s a word for it. The ones they sing as they go to their deaths. Because you just have a feeling deep within you as you watch that those guys are all going to die. So sad. And the horses run and the song is sung and the arrows fly…oh dear. I’d better move on before bringing myself to tears. First though, the scene itself...
I HATE DENETHOR.
Paths of the Dead: Off
goes Aragorn to muster the Army of the Dead, and it’s a good thing too. Gimli
has a great quote at the beginning of this scene, about an elf being more
willing than a dwarf to go underground. Love it! Wow, what a massive cave it is
under there! And with his sword, Anduril, Aragorn conquers the King of the Dead
and brings them out. Hooray! 
Eowyn riding with
Merry: Ah, she is a wonderful girl! Out
goes Eowyn with the Riders of Rohan. She’s so strong and determined to go along
despite her father’s protests. And taking Merry with her! Of course, we know
that it turns out she has a big part to play in the Battle of Pelennor Fields –
so it’s a wonderful thing that she went along. And she fights so bravely! Yay
Eowyn! Head catapult: Can I say…disgusting? Rather brilliant if it’s your side doing the catapulting I suppose, but still so gross and really wrong, I think. I don’t like it. But it accomplishes their purpose. You remember, the catapulting of the heads of the brave men who rushed out to regain Osgiliath – to their detriment.
Peter Jackson’s kids: We hereby interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to say…I think they’re Peter Jackson’s kids? At any rate, I know I saw the same wide-eyed little darling in both the 1st and 3rd movies, and I feel like at some point I read that PJ’s kids were in all three of the movies. I’m assuming she’s one of them!
Black Riders: YES! Eowyn killed the bad guy! That makes me so happy every time…and the guys all enjoy the short view of pipes in the creature’s neck. ;) But it’s really wonderful when Eowyn whips off her helmet and says “I am no man.” Such an awesome part! And then, with Merry’s slight assistance, she kills him.
Rhinos and oliphaunts: What horrible beasts of war the enemies have! I’m quite sure that there were some way over-sized rhinos charging through, and of course the oliphaunts are also most impressive. Interesting to see how they’re taken down, especially by Eowyn (prior to her killing the Black Rider) and Legolas (awesome as usual).
Shelob’s Lair: Has
to be one of the most disgusting parts in the entire movie. Seriously. All that
spider-web? Yikes! And of course, Shelob herself – a ponderous and menacing
body, legs, hissing, dripping venom, and eyes within eyes. Gollum/Smeagol
betraying Sam and Frodo to her is quite terrible, though I can’t say I don’t
understand why he did it. AND ALSO. That picture is scaring me half to death. So much freakiness. Frodo and Sam: Frodo, naturally, gets himself caught and all wrapped up in a cocoon – oh my word, SO gross. I don’t like that part much. And then SAM TO THE RESCUE! You wouldn’t necessarily expect so much of Sam…but somehow he manages to enter the orc-filled tower past those utterly freaky watchers (those heads – occupied by evil spirits) and rescue Frodo – and save the ring through all of that. Yay for Sam! I really do almost like him here. :)
Faramir: isn’t
dead after all, but alive! Oh, I’m so glad he didn’t get killed at Osgiliath
and only his head returned. But here he comes back nearly dead, and what does
Denethor do instead of checking him for signs of life? Pronounces that he’s
going to BURN HIM and promptly begins to carry it out, intending to burn
himself as well! I. Hate. Denethor. Poor Faramir. And he nearly is burned to
death, and it’s only by Pippin’s speed that he’s saved! Pippin gets Gandalf,
Gandalf comes, and even then if Pippin hadn’t jumped on the pyre, Faramir might
have died! But Pippin jumps and saves him, and then of course, we have
Denethor’s death (FINALLY!!!! *celebrates*). Very dramatic, quite horrible
really, even for such a guy as himself. But Faramir has survived without too
much harm! Oh happy day. {{Also, don't worry -- more better Faramir pix to come.}} Anyway, moving on…Theoden’s Speech to the Riders of Rohan: I love it! Right before they ride into battle, you know. Here it is: “Forth, and fear no darkness! Arise! Arise, Riders of Theoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sword day... a red day... ere the sun rises!”
Slow motion: Small interlude. There are proper places for an occasional slow motion moment in battles, sword-fights, etc. There’s one TV show (Legend of the Seeker) that has a ton of these – you don’t know how annoying they can get. I was extra thankful as I watched this that PJ didn’t use a whole bunch of those shots, because that can totally ruin a perfectly nice sword-fight. So…thank you, Peter Jackson!
Theoden’s death and Eowyn’s victories: Eowyn is awesome. And Theoden isn’t all bad. We already talked about this a bit earlier, but I’m so happy with how Eowyn killed the bad Black Rider and triumphed! And the horrible dinosaur monster thing dead too. Of course, Theoden’s death is quite sad, and Eowyn’s sorrow over it is easy to feel…there are sadder things in the movies, I think, but this was certainly a sad moment.
Arrival of the Dead: Hooray! I tell you, having the dead on your side in a battle like this is a definite plus – they are, after all, quite impossible to kill. I love it how Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli pull up apparently having piloted the boat up there all by themselves – they leap out and then a whole freaky army materializes behind them. It’s a wonderful thing! And of course, this army totally dominates everything.
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Legolas and the
Oliphaunt: I LOVE how Legolas kills his own oliphaunt. Vaulting, throwing,
shooting – all perfectly coordinated, and all to the ultimate detriment of the
oliphaunt and everyone on it. Love that part so much! And I also just love how
Legolas and Gimli and still competing with each other over how many of the
enemy have been killed. Those guys rock my world. Frodo and Sam: They’re such cute little orcs as they travel along. As much as hobbits-pretending-to-be-orcs can be cute. They are.
Gimli’s quote: Because it HAS to be included: “Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?” Oh Gimli…I love that guy. He’s hilarious.
Frodo and Sam again: And so they travel across that dreadful waste-land. And I’m once-again super glad I’m not with them.
Short interlude to say… Guess what? We’ve made it through page 1 of my notes! Just 2/3 page left. :)
Aragorn’s Speech
before Morannon: IT’S SO AWESOME. He is an epic speech giver. For your
reading pleasure…I reproduce it here. “I
see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me! A day may come
when the courage of men fails! But it is not this day! A day may come when we
forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship! But it is not this day!
An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the age of men comes crashing
down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on
this good earth, I bid you stand! Men of the West!”
Gimli: I love
that he finally fights side by side with an elf. His quote with Legolas…and I
merely reproduce from memory here, but… “I never thought I’d die fighting side
by side with an elf.” Legolas: “How about side by side with a friend?” And then
they’re friends. :) Sam: And a quote from Sam, in which he is heroic and perhaps a little to epicly quotable to be believable… “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!”
Aragorn, Pippin, Merry starting the battle: Okay, right here? We have Merry and Pippin at my favorite time. They all stand – the battle is about to begin. And then all of a sudden, Aragorn takes off charging and right on his heels are Merry and Pippin. And then everyone else. But I love that scene SO much.
Gollum: And he’s back. Everyone groans, but everyone knew he HAD to come back. He adds some amazing drama, I admit! But we musn’t jump too far ahead…
Eagles: They are so awesome! I have some friends who want dragons…I want a giant eagle. Of course, they play an important part a little further on when they rescue Frodo and Sam, but even during the battle they are clearly an asset to Aragorn’s side.
Frodo, the ring, Sam, and Gollum: And they keep struggling up Mount Doom. One thing I noticed?
The color contrast in this section is amazing. It flashes back and forth between inside Mount Doom (orange, red, yellow, bright, hot) and outside the Morannon (gray and drab). Pretty cool! Inside Mount Doom is really impressive, actually – how in the world did they build that, you wonder?
Sam again: And he saves Frodo yet again. After Gollum’s dramatic finger-biting, and Frodo’s equally dramatic fall off the cliff…Sam saves Frodo. Barely. But yay!
Sauron’s tower and the lava: And this is where you just sit and watch with your mouth gaping. Lava pouring out of the mountain and all over everything – such amazing effects! And Sauron’s tower totally caves in – the bit of slow motion is SO neat! It’s stunning how it falls. Another favorite part!
“I’m glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things.”
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Reminiscing: I
love how Frodo and Sam sit there and talk about home and Rosie and food. It’s
so sweet. And then! HOORAY! The eagles are here again! They are so much cooler
than most dragons…just saying. But the eagles turn up and they are rescued and
all seems well. 
Reunion: I’m so
glad that the movie doesn’t just end after the climax…that would’ve been awful.
Instead, it keeps on going, for some of the other best parts! There’s a little
of best parts in this trilogy. But the reunion is one of the absolute
awesomest! Frodo wakes up and there’s Gandalf! And here he didn’t even know
Gandalf was still alive! What a happy beginning. And then one by one the
remaining members of the fellowship (all except Boromir) come in. And Aragorn
smiles. That scene always makes my day. And Gimli and Legolas are so cute, and
the hobbits are so talkative! It’s funny and sweet and so good. 
Aragorn’s Kingship: At
last, Aragorn is made king! While I confess that I prefer his looks when he has
rather dirty hair, and a little blood here and there…which sounds really weird.
ANYWAY. I don’t like his kingly looks as much, but he still rocks. Arwen
appears…and at long last, the music culminates for their kiss. And they
obviously live happily ever after! But before we’re done…another speech from
Aragorn! “This day does not belong to one man, but to all. Let us together rebuild this world that we may share in the days of peace.”
Faramir and Eowyn: I’m so glad they finally find happiness. I heard the other day that Peter Jackson
had actually filmed their wedding – but the footage isn’t released yet. Great
sorrow and sadness! But they look happy in the three seconds you see them at
the wedding. :) Also, check Austenitis' Facebook for more pictures of them being adorable together! I found a few through intense research. :)Hobbits return: And they finally return home, wiser and older for their journeys. And is a big deal made of them? No indeedy. A pumpkin is clearly much more important to everyone except perhaps Rosie, who is giving Sam special looks. Ah, they are such a cute couple. :)
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A wedding: And
finally, here at the end, two weddings: Aragorn & Arwen, Sam & Rosie –
for those girls who need a wedding in every movie. And besides, Sam and Rosie
have some adorable children too! Actually, A&A do as well, if the son that
Arwen sees in her vision is really one who they have. Many partings: Here’s where it gets really sad. I can usually not cry…in fact, this time I didn’t cry at all – until this part. This and Boromir’s death are what always get me. But now! Bilbo, Frodo, Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel, and Celeborn all board the ship to sail away. And poor Sam and Merry and Pippin! How they all hug Frodo and look so sad. Oh dear. Must move on before I cry. But I still love this scene – it’s a good ending.
Sam once more: Home he goes to his cute little wife and adorable little kids. So it ends on a happy note after all!
And the credit song: Into the West by Annie Lennox. I don’t love it, except for that fact that it’s in this movie. And I associate it strongly with crying. But what a great final song. I’d prefer one by Enya, but you know what? I like this.
Well folks. There you have it. My over-complete analysis of the third Lord of the Rings movie. I gave you fair warning that it would be long! Approximately 3095 words. THAT is a lot.
So, enjoy it? I hope you did. I had a blast writing it, even if it DID take forever. Please do leave a
comment, even if it’s just a few words! Comments make my day. :)
Thanks for reading!
Finally...for those of you who would like just another two minutes...a few deleted scenes. The first video has seven short scenes, each labeled clearly. The second video has better quality and more, but isn't labeled, so watch in order. See the notes on both for clarification.
